Today I am irrationally annoyed at my email for
daring to sit there... in my inbox... unread.
So I'm going back to basics:
If at first it annoys you, write it a ranty letter.
I’m sorry but it’s just not working anymore. We used to be happy, you’d tell me about important things and we’d get them done together but now you’re just getting too needy.
There was a time when I really needed you around but now the ‘ping’ of a couple of hundred messages a day is just too much. ‘Ping’ – sort this. ‘Ping’ – pay that. ‘Ping’ – do you want to buy this inane shit that we will be sticking infront your eyes everyday until you finally cave in and buy it after which we will still email you, taunting you, mocking you for being so foolish as to buy this crap. ‘Ping.’ ‘Ping.’ ‘Ping.’ ‘Ping.’ Yes I know you’ve tried to change, your spam filter is getting better and you started hanging out with unroll.me which helped out a lot but still I find myself avoiding you.
But seriously, what makes you think I’m interested in a sale at Buy-All-The-Things-Now-Or-Else or a message linking to ‘Random Stuff To Fill Up Your Tiny Shoebox Of A House’? Ok maybe I missed the random out of sight ticky box all those years ago that would have stopped messages from Mr YouTooCanBeAwesomeIfYouBuyMyEcourseOnly$99.99 from appearing in my inbox but now it’s too late. I don’t have the time to trawl through each individual message looking for the ever elusive prize of the Unsubscribe Link which, when you do eventually find it, should be preceded by a herald of trumpets and surrounded by a blinding golden aura. But even then the journey is not over. If the link works then you’ve probably to wait 7-10 days for your address to be removed, be presented with an “Error. Please try later.” screen or it just plain doesn’t work. And that’s just normal email, have you ever tried to leave a Yahoo Group?
So dude, I am sorry but this can’t go on. We need to start again, start afresh and I have a little button on the right I’m itching to press that might just solve all our problems, at least for a little while.
Lots of Love